NEGLECTED NEWS AND FUNNY LINKS No matter how badly The Powers That Be are fucking things up in Iraq, and no matter how badly they're fucking things up here at home, at least we can rest easy knowing that Halliburton is going to get paid for all that work they didn't do, after all. Just a little silver lining in the storm cloud of these interesting times of ours. Remember those Plamegate e-mails that the White House spent months claiming they never sent? Guess what! They found 'em! This can only end in heartbreak. Remember Tom Delay (R-Bugman)? Yeah, I know... all that stuff about his questionable ties to crooked Republican superlobbyist Jack Abramoff is ancient history at this point, so getting all bent out of shape over his fellow GOP lawmakers giving him a seat on a subcommittee that oversees the Justice Department -- which just so happens to be investigating Abramoff's Congressional ties -- is probably an overreaction. Besides, if there's anything fishy about this appointment, some courageous Democrat will surely roll his or her eyes over it. They might even make a pithy remark about it! And then, all will be well. Despite being a huge Pink Floyd fan, yer old pal Jerky had never seen this before. All I can say now that I have is: WOW. Welcome to the Machine, indeed. Do you like superheroes? Did you enjoy the movie Office Space? Well then, check this shit out! Did any of you catch the premiere episode of American Inventor on Thursday? How about that Doug Hall, the four-eyed, barefooted, bald-headed, bipolar, passive aggressive human shit-stain they hired as one of their American Idol-style quartet judges? Jesus Fucking Nailholes, that toxic nerd makes George Costanza look like Mister Rogers by comparison. He's Karl Rove in a Hawaiian shirt. Especially loathsome was the way he became immediately enraged and annoyed with every Black, Asian and Latino contestants, right off the bat. I think reality television may at long last have given us someone so loathsome on every level that he stands a significant chance of being murdered like a pig in the street by a mob of disgruntled viewers. Isaac Hayes and the South Park kids get together for one last dance (courtesy of Kranque from the Rock and Roll Confidential boards). How's this for a snappy, old-timey headline? "Gloomy Hume Fumes at Looming POTUS Doom!" I kinda like it, if I do say so myself. Send all Jokes, Letters and other stuff to Jerky: jerkyleboeuf@gmail.com

ON THIS DAY March 16 On this day in 1939, Germany occupies Czechoslovakia. Chaos ensues. Seriously. On this day in 1968, Robert Kennedy announces the launch of his Presidential campaign. Assassination ensues. On the very same day: HAPPY MY LAI DAY, everybody! Now, more than ever... On this day in 1988, a federal Grand Jury indicts Marine Lt. Col. Oliver North and Navy Vice Admiral John Poindexter in the Iran-Contra drugs-for-money-for-weapons-for-treason scandal. Today, after both men were pardoned by outgoing president George Herbert "Poppy" Walker Bush, North hosts his very own syndicated right-wing radio talk show and Poindexter is an integral part of the Secret Fascist Shadow Government. Who says crime doesn't pay?

THEY SAID IT! "Some people kill themselves, and some others die natural deaths. Others still are murdered. This is something which those who twitch at every suggestion of conspiracy tend to forget. That assassins carry the whole black bag of statecraft means justice is almost never done, except for the victor's justice of a belligerant state that daubs itself in the innocents' blood." - Our old pal Jeff over at Rigorous Intuition has some interesting things to say about the death of Slobodan Milosevic. *** **** *** "In a strictly personalized sense, any person's ideal situation is one that allows him full freedom of action and inhibits the behavior of others so as to force adherence to his own desires. That is to say, each person seeks mastery over a world of slaves." - So said deep thinker James Buchanan, in his The Limits of Liberty: Between Anarchy and Leviathan.

JOKES! Today's first joke was sent in by N8Possibilities! Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation, get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before. The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair, and is asked if she has any last words. She says, I just graduated from Brigham Young University and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of t he innocent." They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees; beg for her forgiveness, and release her. The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words, "I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." They throw the switch and, again, nothing happens. Again, they all immediately fall to their knees; beg for her forgiveness, and release her. The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm from the University of Cincinnati and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell ya right now, y'all ain't gonna electrocute nobody until you plug this thing in." *** *** *** Thanks to our old pal The Fourth Horseman for sending in today's second joke. A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible." "What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine." "What about the wooden leg?" the bartender asks. "You didn't have that before." "Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now." says the pirate. "Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?" asked the bartender. "We were in another battle." replied the pirate. "I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really." So the bartender asks, "What about that eye patch?" The pirate replies, "Oh, one day we were at sea, and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them shit in my eye." "You're kidding, " said the bartender, "you couldn't lose an eye just from bird shit." The pirate responds, "It was my first day with the hook." WORST JOKE OF THE DAY Today's groaner was sent in by Natty Jan... You know you're having a bad day when your horn sticks on the freeway while driving behind a large group of Hell's Angels motorcyclists. You know you're having a bad day when your twin sister forgets your birthday. You know you're having a bad day when you call you wife and tell her that you would like to eat out tonight, and when you return home you find a sandwich on the front porch.

READER'S SOAPBOX! Got a gripe? Pet peeve? Have your say in the Daily Dirt! Columns can pretty much be about anything, as long they meet the following criteria: 1) don't write shit that'll get us in trouble. 2) Keep it interesting. 3) Keep it short. 4) We don't edit your mistakes. Oh yeah! feel free to send a picture of yourself if you want. TOPIC: A MUSICAL RECOMMENDATION care of: An Old Marine I got to hear a "new" band a few weeks back. They opened for Susan Tedeschi at her show at The Exit/In in Nashville. The band is named The Gourds, and they hail from Austin, Texas. Talk about diverse influences! The band has five members: a drummer, a bassist/acoustic guitarist, a concertina/saxophone player, a guitarist/mandolin player, and a fiddler/keyboard/laptop steel player. If you listen closely, you can hear Ralph Stanley, Hank Williams Jr., Bob Dylan, The Grateful Dead, Neil Young, Bruce Springsteen, The Rolling Stones, Jimmy C. Newman, and The Band. It is obvious that they are all very gifted musicians, and it is obvious that they are far more interested in playing and recording than they are in selling their wares. Web sources attributes a pile of CDs and related discs to their catalog, but under-the-radar air play has obscured them from larger markets and pop charts. Their latest CD is entitled Heavy Ornamentals - there is not a dud out of the whole bunch. If I don't miss my guess, they are gonna be around a long, long time. Check out their official web site. Your friend, An Old Marine Smyrna TN FIRST AMENDMENT ZONE / ASK JERKY! Jerky; The Bush Administration released its fiscal year 2007 budget which slashed Medicare by $36 billion over the next five years and $105 billion over the next ten years. These are cuts to hospitals, skilled nursing facilities, ambulance services, and other providers and increases in Medicare premiums for certain beneficiaries. At the same time that the budget slashes Medicare funding, it protects the special interests, leaving intact the $10 billion Medicare slush fund for HMOs. Nice. Really nice. David A [Do I detect a subtle hint of sarcasm in your tone? - Jerky] *** **** *** HighYa jerky... Long time reader , 4th time caller... The entire time I've read your site, I've agreed with you 99% of the time. Your views on Politics are awesome... Your predictions almost dead on every time... O'Rielly bashing, HILARIOUS. But then... there's this Juggernaut thing. What the hell is wrong with you people?! Theres even people writing in saying "Its funny" "Great stuff" and you "They need their own show". What am I missing here? Maybe you and/or your readers can fill me in. Because I'm funny, damn it. I just dont see the humor here. But hey... "All your base are belong to us". Sighed... LordVenom [Personally, it just cracks me up. It's the perfect melding of bombastic, self-agrandizing pimp-speak and over-the-top comic book power fantasies. I guess maybe you need to have seen some Dolemite movies to fully appreciate the spot-on homage. Either that, or you need to smoke a bail of weed before watching it. - Jerky] *** **** *** Hey Jerky; Here's some more Bush bull-pucky for ya. Jan N. [Where it stops, nobody knows. - Jerky] *** **** *** Dear Jerky; Here's an image I created in celebration of the North Dakota fundies that I live uncomfortably close to. Eauclaire Liberal [Good onya, Eauclaire! And bad on those nasty neocon Nodaks. - Jerky] *** **** *** Mate, just reading your reference about Indiana and realized that I didn't have a clue that them fellows was called 'Hoosiers' or even what a Hoosier is. Care to enlighten one from down under? Also any other names you think pertinent to us that live in the real world. Feel free to put your own interpretation things. Cheers, Santa in NZ [The term Hoosier refers to the American state of Indiana's notoriously high rate of bastardism, which often gives rise to the question, asked in all seriousness and without a trace of irony or bonhomie: "Hoosier daddy?" - Jerky] *** **** *** Jerky; the Dirt's "On This Day" segment for 3/10/06 provided info on how the vote was given to 18-year-olds in 1971 under Nixon's watch. It wasn't because of protest songs (old enough for war/ but not for votin') that the voting age was lowered, but because of political gamesmanship. Republicans believed that the anti-war protests were confined to college campuses and that the GOP still had control over the rest of the population. The stats were that there were about 11 million potential voters between 18 and 21 and that only 4 to 4 1/2 million were college students. And since Nixon ran on a platform claiming to seek an end to the 'Nam war, the GOP believed that they would get the lion's share of this demographic vote, from the non-college students because of the GOP mantra that people vote their pocketbooks, and from the college student's since he was ending the war. Even if the smarter ones (supposedly the college students) wouldn't support the GOP, the numbers still favored the GOP. Are we not living with this demographic still supporting the GOP since we're talking today of 53- to 56-year-olds? Sweeney [You lost me at "protest songs". - Jerky] *** **** *** My old pal Jerky, Recently, in your article about Bill O'Reilly, you mentioned that studies have shown Fox News watchers know less about what's going on than people who don't watch the news. Can you quote your source on that? I would dearly love to be able to post the reults of those tests on my blog. Keep up the good work. Cheers, Scooter [I was exaggerating for comedic effect... but only a little. To learn the sad truth about how watching FOX News makes you retarded, start here. - Jerky]

Send all Jokes, Letters and other stuff to Jerky: feedback@dailydirt.com